Self-pity could be loosely defined as the feeling we get when we begin to identify ourselves by the calamity in our lives--Barbara dumped me, so I must be a loser.  We put the spotlight on us instead of on Christ.  We lose sight of God's divine plan, thinking that we're the lone sufferer in the world. 

When God brings sin to our attention, we must confess it to him and, by his grace, change our behavior.  "God, you know how I want all my friends to focus on me now that Barbara's gone.  I want their pity.  Help me receive their sympathy but not demand it."

Self-pity is pride wearing a sad face.  And God hates pride: 1 Peter 5:5, "Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older.  All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'"  We have to be honest with ourselves about the pain in our hearts, but we also have to be honest with God about the sin that's there too.  "God, you know that I like people to feel sorry for me.  You know that I often see myself as a victim so I don't have to face my own sin.  Forgive me, Lord."

Excerpted from chapter 3 of my work, A Shattered Heart: Finding God Amidst a Dating Break-up